Don't Dream It's Over

I'm back everyone. Finally, yes? Well, if there's a competition on the worst blogger ever, I think I'll come out as the winner. But hey, I'm sparing my time to write some words this afternoon, I'm pretty good, aren't I?

Like everyone and I do know, when I write something on my blog, something either happening or happened. As for this one—this post, something is happening. A pretty big thing is happening.

The thing is inside of me. Basically a war—Civil War, between my mind and my mind. Yap, it's kinda weird to think that I have two minds, but I must say, they are different to each other. So, what thing which can make my minds—glorious minds do a war?

Easy. It's about dream, my dream. 

And when it comes to my dreams, I will turn into this 5-year-old girl who wants her toy back, she strives for it, even screams for it. I must say that is really ambitious, but I'm proud of being ambitious. In fact, my ambition drives me sane, keeps me on line, shoves me away from the sugar-coated tells about life.

But the more and more I grow up, I begin to develop this another mind of mine, another way of thinking. It's more like a mind which keeps slapping me whenever I want to do something stupid based on my ambitions, a truth to tell, this one also keeps me sane, keeps me on the ground, even sometime directs me to do something big.

Talking about my dreams, I've had written about it in this blog. A really long essay with lot of typo, I still can remember it, how I wrote it with passion (lot of typo is one of the evidences), how many hours I spent for this essay, and also the Empire State Building picture to start the essay. Good old days.

Everyone has a dream, in my case, dreams. But everyone only has one ambition. My dreams? They will make a long list, longer than the groceries note I must say. But I have this one big dream, the dream which makes me sane and continues my life day by day; it's becoming a brain surgeon. I'm going to stop right there, since there's a big chance I will write a long-ass-essay explaining why brain surgeon, what makes me love brain, and shits. I will break my heart if I do that.

And just like I already said, everyone only has one ambition, mine? I strive to save life.

That's one of the reasons why I really want to enroll myself in a medical school and be a brain surgeon.

But reality (I hate you) says different things about my dreams, I'm going to an engineering school, majoring in electrical engineering, for more spesific, telecommunication engineering. 'What the heck' moment right? It still gets me to that moment everyday.

But this is one thing I love about life, it won't drive you out from your ambition. How can I say that? It is actually based on a study which said that the things we chose or gonna choose is based on our unconscious mind instead of our conscious mind. In simple way of thinking, we choose something that already programmed in us, in our life, I must say it is a lot of ifs function in us. Lot of possibilities happen in us. But I must clear things up that our very-talkative heart isn't our unconscious mind. 

Since the fact my ambition is still here, hanging around me, I must say I'll figure things out how to achieve my ambition. Saving life can mean a lot of thing and I'm sure I will save many life as many as myself in parallel universe will save life as a brain surgeon.

Because here a thing about me and saving life; I've been through a lot, ups and downs, depression and happiness, anxiety and joy, the only one who keeps me up is myself, and thinking about saving other people lives makes me excited even in peace, because life is much more easier when you help someone, even save someone, either from their mind or this life.

My minds are basically doing war about my dreams. On one wing, it wants to let it go and find new ways to fulfill my ambition but on the other wing it wants to go for it.

And the war between them are real. And I have to do something to make it stop and make peace with my ownself.

But one thing I'm sure that everyone needs to hold onto, have an ambition, do not lose it, lot of ways to make it happens.

P.S.: trust me, letting go your dreams causes more pain to yourself than letting go someone.