You're Messed Up
It's all started up with the time,
It's 11.11 and the name you whisper as a little hope isn't the one who is there for you after everything.
You whisper the name and then for a second you think it's just your brain doing its routine.
You will get over it soon, you've been said it since months ago.
It's all started up with a video.
You used to share it just to start a little conversation or even a new inside joke.
You already copied the link and then you realize, it isn't the right thing to do, it is just not right.
Then you remember that you can share it with other, but you don't do it.
It's not your thing with the other. It's your thing with this person. Used to be.
It's all started up with what you see.
The road you used to see with them, the highway you used to use with them just to be in a certain place, the hospital you once visited with them, the place you used to be with them for years, the city's trademark you once visited with them, every junctions you both passed, every sidewalks you both walked, every pictures with them, every screen-shot of your chats with them and all the things you see after them, after their's presence in your life.
You thought it was already gone, but no, your memory is as strong as their's presence in your life.
You will forget it one day, but no, they are what you've become right now.
It's all started up with a word.
It used to be the cue of your inside jokes with them.
The moment when you hear it again, is the moment you want to laugh by yourself.
You hope you're with them at that time.
You decide not to laugh on it, you just smile. Hoping them to hear it too one day, somewhere.
It's all started up with an act.
It's only them who could do it to you. Only them who got your permission.
Now other has the permission, but it's just different. It's not them, not the palm you used to feel.
It's not them who touch, squish, and pinch your cheeks.
It's all started up with a night.
The night which make you crumble on your bed, hoping it ended faster than a year ago.
The night when you can feel the hug, the warm hug, the beat of the heart, the voice which keeps saying you'll be fine, it's actually the night when you realize that you need them.
You will remember how they didn't know about what happened to you, but the hug was the home you need and they gave it without hesitation.
They are still your home.
Even after months has been passed.
They are still your home.
Even though lot of new people surround your life.
They are still your home.
When you're weary and all you want is just peace.
The name you whisper.
The video's link you copy.
The things you see.
The word you hear.
The thing they do to your cheeks.
The night.
Those are the things which make you realize,
you haven't finished,
you haven't gotten over it,
though its has been months since they left,
and at that moment you realize
that you're messed up.